more dilemmas....

Once again I am in a state of what to do. Although, for the past five months, I have sent out resumes all over the western side of the country, and other states as well, I am still looking for work. My unemployment payments have dropped to a whopping 56 bucks a week to boot. I was told that they could not accept my employment in WA as payment for this quarter to make it higher. And WA said I couldn't collect there because I didn't have enough hours worked there...ugh!

I did get offered a position in Flagstaff, but with very low pay. It seems like an awesome opportunity, but I won't have the funds to move there AND pay for a new place, with all the deposits, etc.

The only way I can see myself living of that little bit of money is to hike again. But then there is the dilemma of what to do with Pheebs and Kharma without having to spend money. I want them both to have the best of care of course though. Ugh again!

All of these if's in my mind are scattered and moving around rampantly. My brain is on fire and spinning all at once! As is my heart rate. I was at the doctor the other day and my blood pressure was so high, I am surprised that I haven't passed out yet. Although I sleep like a rock, when I finally fall asleep, my eyes look as though I haven't slept in weeks.

I know that all things happen for a reason and all things work themselves out. But when the road looks this long and steep, it's hard to stay focused and relaxed. I have been meditating and painting more in the past few months, it is definitely helping. if I could just get rid of that control part of me that still clings for existence, I will be whole again...if I could only hike my life away...

Been a long time....

since I posted on here. Guess it's time to start again. Alot has changed since my last post. My 2009 hike ended just more than half way b/c of a serious knee injury, I hiked again this year to raise money for Livestrong, but ran out of cash for the trip really early on, I have a new dog and hiking partner, named Frankie, I bought a beautiful VW transporter bus, named her Kharma, and I have been traveling in her from Cali to Canada when I am not hiking, I am back in Agoura Hills staying with my friend, Tony and his cute little doggies and although thinking it's time to settle again and get a real job, I am also planning another trip on the PCT. I am seriously addicted and can not stay away from it. I could hike everyday if my pockets and knee allowed.

Frankie loves hiking too and we make pretty good partners. It's just the beginning so we have some work to do but it will happen soon, it already is much better than the first few days together. He hikes a bit faster than I do. That's ok, he has four feet I only have two.

I am glad that there are so many trails in my backyard. My feet want to go and it's hard to relax without hiking everyday...18-25 miles. Yes that IS relaxing.

waiting...preparing...getting nervous...I'm so over it already..

I am finally starting to feel the push of not having everything I need yet and only a few weeks away from the start date. I began going through all the food I have purchased so far and discovered that there is still sooo much more to buy and prepare...dehydrated veggies, refried beans and hummus, TVP, nuts...seems like the list is endless still. I also started separating the guide book, yogi's book and Halfmile's maps into the sections I will be resupplying at. I have all the mailing labels printed and separated as well. All tedious chores for my new adventure, making me long for the trail even more so. Is there a trail angel that will do this for me?

I still have alot of gear to buy too but I am waiting for some more money. I hate waiting. And I hate not having what I need so I can say I am totally ready...right NOW! I want to be free of all the planning and getting ready and everything else involved until I leave so that I can spend time with friends and family before I take off. They will be missed by me greatly, but I know they will also be supporting me in spirit as well.

A few months ago, time seemed to stand still. Now it is going to fast and I am beginning to freak out. This is really happening for me! I am excited and scared...still. this will be my first time camping in the wilderness alone without my beloved Droopy dog, my hiking partner and protector for many years. I miss him so and it will be hard sleeping alone without him. I know that everything will be alright out there as I feat the city much more than the wilderness...but nonetheless, it is scary doing something alone...in the dark...for the first time.

PCT Section hike

Well I've had some issues come up and not sure if I will be able to start when I want, so I recently decided to do some sections before the Kick Off just incase.

This weekend my friend, Halfmile, and I did a 41 mile hike south from HWY 74 to Warner Springs. I took the Amtrak down to San Diego to meet with him Thursday afternoon and we drove to Warner Springs Monty's house early Friday morning, where he took us to our starting point after dropping off Halfmile's car in Warner Springs. The train ride was nice. I totally appreciated it more than the Greyhound. Not only was it faster, but I had more space to stretch my legs and no one bothering me. There is also a snack car which has pretty much everything...including Arrogant Bastard Ale...MMMM

We only did about 11 miles the first day, as we got a late start. Also, about six miles into the hike, I decided to trip over a large rock and ate some serious dirt. I was more embarrassed than anything b/c this has never happened to me before. But I also scratched up my new Natives and was pretty upset about that. So much that I didn't even realize I had blood dripping down my face and my shoulder was hurting to boot. Anyways, I got cleaned up wiped off my now scratched up sunglasses, Halfmile took some pics to make me feel even more stupid and we got on our way. Hiked to Nance Canyon and cowboy camped on the little beach there, listening to the frogs croaking all night. It was a pleasant memory of back home. LA doesn't have the croaking of frogs and cricketing of crickets all night like Jacksonville, FL. I miss that. I brought my new tent, but I so love sleeping under the stars so I figured I had the next night to check it out. It was beautiful, despite the cold. A lone bat hovered over collecting mosquitos for dinner before I dozed off. It was awesome!

It got really cold that night and frost built up on my bag and well, I was freezing. Halfmile had a bivy but even he got a bit chilly once the dew created condensation inside it. I didn't get much sleep that night between being cold and my face and shoulder throbbing all night. I also tried out my new alcohol stove and it sux in the wind, even with a wind screen. As soon as I put the pot on top of it the dam thing went out. I tried getting it lit maybe five times and finally gave up and used Halfmile's stove instead. I am glad though that I am not on the thru to discover this dilemma. I will definitely bring a warmer bag when I get to that point and will use the propane stove instead. I'm really disappointed that neither of those pieces worked for me but o well...such is life.

The following day was absolutely gorgeous and the temps reached 80. There was alot of uphill so I went slow b/c of my hip issues. It didn't help that my face was still throbbing and now swollen as well. I later decided to take some Ibuprophen for the pain. Halfmile told me the first week that it was acceptable to take it on a regular basis when thru hiking. Really? What am I getting myself into? LOL So around 5:30 we made it to Chihuahua Valley and headed out to Mike Herrara's (trail angel) to get some water. The wind was cranking and by 6P fog was rolling in thick and heavy and very quickly. The temps had already dropped down to 55 and it was looking nasty, so we decided to crash there. So I still haven't used my tent yet...poop! Unfortunately, Mike was not there this weekend, but he welcomes anyone who comes by and had plenty of supplies and water waiting for us. I'm glad we stayed there b/c the wind was cold and the screen on Mike's porch really helped. He also had cots and BLANKETS! Woohoo! So I used ALL of them... some under me and one big thick one on top of my bag and slept like a rock until about 7:20A. I was afraid to get out of the sleeping bag in the morning though b/c it was still really cold out. Halfmile checked his thermometer and it read 33...bbbrrr. It didn't get over 40 until well after noon. It also stayed very foggy, so what I thought was the most beautiful scenery of the whole trip was not visible. Bummer

We had to make up some mileage our third day and after it warmed up and the sun came out, it turned into a lovely day. Halfmile noted some nice camp spots on his GPS for his maps and I got to stay at my first trail angel's house the night before! My face and shoulder weren't hurting as badly and the swelling had gone down too. We hiked 17 miles from Mike's to Warner Springs. I was tired but didn't admit it to him. We did about a three mile per hour hike. There is an old church there on the side of the road just before you get to the town. I love old buildings and they also have a public use FLUSH toilet in back with running water. So I took advantage of the facilities, washed up a bit and checked out the church, took some pics. I wanted to ring the bell soo bad but Halfmile said it probly wasn't a good idea....thanx dad! On the way back to his place, we went through Julian to check it out, just incase I might want to thumb the 17 miles when I get to Scissors Crossing. They had this really old cemetery there which I love to check out, so we did and then ate some dinner at the Rongbranch Rest. Halfmile got a burger and I had the Pasta with creamy artichoke sauce...YUM! Then we shared an apple pie with ice cream, which apparently Julian is famous for. It was a great day!

I woke up this morning with a serious sore throat. I imagine b/c of the nasty weather from the night before. But I feel like I can still hike some more so I really feel good about being a thru. I learned some valuable lessons on this little section...like don't let the rocks trip you, and I need a warmer sleeping bag and ...this is really important...make sure to bring enough TP. I ran out at Mike's house and had to bum some from Halfmile...thank goodness he had extra...LOL. I thought about doing the rock thing but all the rocks in that area are pretty rough....

I can't wait to get out there again and do some more sections or hopefully even better...complete the thru as planned!

The time to hike is getting closer...

I'm really excited, and yet, nervous about the day of my departure getting so close. I knew the last few months would speed by faster than the ones in the beginning...but not this fast. Because of finances, and still not having a job, I am not able to get all the gear I was hoping for to lighten my weight up, but I know that I will be ok with what I have. Again, the acceptance is coming into play. It is because of this, though, that I have finally decided what my book will be about. I have done alot of research for it already. Heck, I have nothing better to do all day. It's very tedious, but fun at the same time. It will be a serious challenge though when I am on the trail to stay within the limits of which I have given myself....to hike the PCT on a shoestring budget. Yeh, that's what the book is about. My friend, Lon, and I have a bet to see if I can stay under a certain amount per mile. I am hoping to do it, for the sake of the book writing, but also don't want to HAVE to do it, if I get stuck or find that I need a soft bed once or twice on my trip. ....acceptance.

I never went to the "community service" job. It would have taken me atleast four hours to get there and they expected me to be there at 6:30 AM in the middle of downtown. I would have just spent the night had it not been such a high crime area. I've gone to a few interviews, but still have not heard from any of them. I'm thinking, what's the point now? I'm leaving in two months...April 15. If I could find some side work until then I'll be good. ...acceptance.

The home I am staying at until then is nice, but the public transportation out here sucks. I got spoiled with that living in the crowded city. Every morning, though, I sit outside with my coffee and listen to to the birds and the squirrels and dream of my days on the trail. It's nice, but I wish I had my car back so I could go up to the mountain and retreat. There is a trail down the road, about a quarter mile from the house. Well, it's actually a fire road, or a dirt road as we call them back home. There are no trees and the grass and foilage is brown, but it goes for miles, I have gone only about three of those miles so far. The hills on this road are also very steep and I have been taking my friend's dog, Duke, with me. I still have some work to do on those climbs. It's raining here and I'm using that as an excuse no to go out again. I should though because it will be raining on the PCT as well. ...acceptance.

Acceptance

The trail of life often gives us huge boulders to go around or trip over. the year 2008 has been a tough year for many people...I was one of them.

April was the hardest for me. My best friend and hiking partner, Droopy Dog, passed away and took my heart with him. If ever I could have a human male forever, he'd be just like Droopy, minus the hairy back of course! I promised him we would one day hike the PCT together...and so my plans to hike in 2009 began. I will be carrying his ashes, all of them, the entire trip on my back. We will once again hike together.

During the summer, I worked a PT job, along with the FT job, to keep my mind off Droopy a little more and get out of the house. I saved up some extra money and went on a great 4 day trip in Mammoth. I brought someone along whom I considered my best friend here in Cali. We met online, four years earlier when I was looking for a human hiking partner, someone to go camping with and hang out with on the trail. As it turned out we had a lot in common, both vegetarian, liked animals, hiking, wine, chocolate, music, same parental drama as children....you know....stuff. On this trip, she kept rushing me to get to the next point and was acting kinda strange. She waited until the last day on the hike out...6 miles from the trailhead to tell me she didn't want to be my friend anymore because we had nothing in common. I felt so devastated, almost like I had just been dumped by my boyfriend, especially since I had just poured my heart and soul out on her shoulder the night before.

2008 brought a special man into my life, whom I truly considered spending the rest of my life with. Something I haven't done in a very long time. He made me think about things I never considered or thought about before. And he gave me my space without being possessive. Just when I thought things were moving to the next level, he told me I wasn't the one for him and then moved three hours away. We don't talk anymore, although I think about him on a daily basis.

In November, I lost my job and because of the holidays and bad economy, etc. NO ONE was hiring. I was expecting to receive unemployment, but errors were made on my files and I had to file an appeal, which won't happen for another month or so. I got some little side jobs here and there, but the money went fast...rent, car note, insurance, groceries, utilities. I never realized how much I spent on stuff, until I didn't have the money to pay for it anymore.

I am now moving in with a friend and losing my car as well. My dignity and pride too was lost the other day when I got to my lowest of lows and went to DPSS for some help. They gave me a card to get some food and I will get some money...in 30 days if I do some labor for 22 hours. The people in this place, who go there often for assistance, were just about all uneducated and just out of prison. I know because of the conversations they had in my presence, like I was one of them or not even there. I am being made to attend a 4 hour class with them next week...to learn how to fill out an application and get a job. This class was made for these such people. I have two degrees...I don't belong, but if I don't go...I don't get help. I also don't get the money in 30 days if I don't do the labor hours. I figured it out...I am actually working for $6.18 an hour...not even minimum wage.

My friend Lon asked if I was still going to hike the PCT this year. I told him I needed to more now than ever. If weather allows, I may leave even earlier....March? What the heck...I have no home or car to deal with anymore....what does it matter. I will miss my Pheebs though. Thank goodness she will be in good hands while I am away.

I have learned through all of this that I need to accept and appreciate what is given to me, whether I like it or not. I am not happy about going to that class, I don't belong there...or living in someone else's house, I like being alone...or using a food card, how humiliating...or being without a car, how will I get to the mountains for therapy...but it is one of my life's challenges I guess...that boulder in my trail.

I think I am getting all of this in my life at this moment to prepare me for the trip. The hike will not be easy all the time and I will face many challenges. Some that will make me want to give up. In order to finish the hike, I will need to accept them and find a way around or over those huge boulders. I can't and I won't give up. I will hold my head high, no matter how bad my feet hurt or how tired I am...and keep walking...'til I'm there...'til I'm at the end.

Happy New Year!!!!

Hopefully this year will be a good one. My resolution is to complete the PCT, lol.

I started my new year this morning, at 6:30 AM, by hiking with some trail maintenance friends to Mt. Echo in Pasadena. It was a fabulous hike! We had a potluck breakfast at the top, veggie and cheese omlet burritos, coffee and pastries...mmmm and then watched the fly by of the Stealths!

This place is fabulous! A hotel built in the early 1890's used to be there and a railway for the guests. All that remains are some steps that lead to the railway, foundation of the hotel, a love seat, and some pieces from the railway....but some serious history is there. It was a great morning, an awesome workout and fun times with friends.


The hike is only 2.7 miles, but 1300' elevation gain. I went as fast as I could go for the first two miles and checked the clock...45 minutes. I wasn't happy with my speed, but my hip didn't start hurting til right before the two mile mark...woohoo! Of course now I am feeling the pain more, but it was worth it! My legs are getting stronger and I am definitely getting faster on the uphill!

New Toys! and things I will miss..

I got my ice axe last week and oh is it ever sexy! My crampons (Kahtoola Microspikes) just came in today, have to pick them up from REI. As excited as I am about them, there's no way I will go to a store until after Xmas. Not only would I have to deal with the craziness in the parking lot, but I also have to drive by an already very busy LA International Airport...no thanx! I'll wait!

I was doing some training the other day and while hiking, I thought about the things I would miss ever so much while on the trail for five months:

My comfy bed at night
my kitty, Pheebs
looong hot showers
my friends
hanging out with Mary Thursday nights watching Grey's Anatomy with wine in hand
walks on the beach at sunset
watching the dolphin surf the waves in the morning
real food and fresh brewed coffee everyday

No training this week :-(

I have been sick with the flu all week and still feel like poop. I hiked a short four miles yesterday and it helped with the congestion but I had a fever afterwards. It's a good thing I love green tea! I have been asked by a friend, what I would do if I got sick on the trail. I told him I'd crawl back into my tent and sleep until I got better.

Some people say I am hard headed and strong willed, others say just lucky. Either way, I am fortunate to be able to walk again. Yesterday, I decided that when I finish my journey I want to write a book about it, and donate all the profits to two charities. One will be for research in spinal degenerative disease, which is what my best buddy and hiking partner, Droopy dog, passed away from in April. The other will be for people who need wheel chairs and can't afford them.

Day two: training

I did my second day of training today with my friend's dog Duke. Not for mileage but for speed. Only six miles round trip.... downhill was easy of course and at the end of three miles I took a break with Duke and I cleaned up some trash left behind by previous campers. I reminisced about when I used to go to that campground with my dog before he passed away. I really miss him.

I also remembered that, just two years ago, that three miles seemed so long for me and laughed to myself when I realized how short three miles actually is. The thought of hiking almost 2700 miles was something I couldn't even fathom back then, although being in the wilderness for five months was. As we headed back uphill to the car, I was thankful for Duke being so young and energetic as he pulled hard on the leash, which made me hike a little faster than usual. I am not real fast going uphill normally because of my pelvic hurting when I go too fast. I think I was slow today for some reason. Elevation gain was approximately 1500' and we did the six miles in two hours. Last week I was up much higher in elevation and did 16 miles in eight hours with 4700' elevation gain. My pack was loaded up both times, with water and other stuff for weight, 20+ lbs. I am training in my Montrail Torres..they feel like they weigh about 4 lbs each, but I think that's more like total weight. When I get those Montrail Hardrock running shoes on my feet in April I'll be turbo charged!

When we were at the campground, we heard a really large bang and both of us looked at each other like maybe thunder, but there wasn't a cloud in the sky. I thought maybe it was the kids I passed by, getting into something they weren't supposed to. But an announcement was just made on the radio, explaining the sound. It was the shuttle landing at Edward's Airforce Base, 100 miles away...wow!