Acceptance

The trail of life often gives us huge boulders to go around or trip over. the year 2008 has been a tough year for many people...I was one of them.

April was the hardest for me. My best friend and hiking partner, Droopy Dog, passed away and took my heart with him. If ever I could have a human male forever, he'd be just like Droopy, minus the hairy back of course! I promised him we would one day hike the PCT together...and so my plans to hike in 2009 began. I will be carrying his ashes, all of them, the entire trip on my back. We will once again hike together.

During the summer, I worked a PT job, along with the FT job, to keep my mind off Droopy a little more and get out of the house. I saved up some extra money and went on a great 4 day trip in Mammoth. I brought someone along whom I considered my best friend here in Cali. We met online, four years earlier when I was looking for a human hiking partner, someone to go camping with and hang out with on the trail. As it turned out we had a lot in common, both vegetarian, liked animals, hiking, wine, chocolate, music, same parental drama as children....you know....stuff. On this trip, she kept rushing me to get to the next point and was acting kinda strange. She waited until the last day on the hike out...6 miles from the trailhead to tell me she didn't want to be my friend anymore because we had nothing in common. I felt so devastated, almost like I had just been dumped by my boyfriend, especially since I had just poured my heart and soul out on her shoulder the night before.

2008 brought a special man into my life, whom I truly considered spending the rest of my life with. Something I haven't done in a very long time. He made me think about things I never considered or thought about before. And he gave me my space without being possessive. Just when I thought things were moving to the next level, he told me I wasn't the one for him and then moved three hours away. We don't talk anymore, although I think about him on a daily basis.

In November, I lost my job and because of the holidays and bad economy, etc. NO ONE was hiring. I was expecting to receive unemployment, but errors were made on my files and I had to file an appeal, which won't happen for another month or so. I got some little side jobs here and there, but the money went fast...rent, car note, insurance, groceries, utilities. I never realized how much I spent on stuff, until I didn't have the money to pay for it anymore.

I am now moving in with a friend and losing my car as well. My dignity and pride too was lost the other day when I got to my lowest of lows and went to DPSS for some help. They gave me a card to get some food and I will get some money...in 30 days if I do some labor for 22 hours. The people in this place, who go there often for assistance, were just about all uneducated and just out of prison. I know because of the conversations they had in my presence, like I was one of them or not even there. I am being made to attend a 4 hour class with them next week...to learn how to fill out an application and get a job. This class was made for these such people. I have two degrees...I don't belong, but if I don't go...I don't get help. I also don't get the money in 30 days if I don't do the labor hours. I figured it out...I am actually working for $6.18 an hour...not even minimum wage.

My friend Lon asked if I was still going to hike the PCT this year. I told him I needed to more now than ever. If weather allows, I may leave even earlier....March? What the heck...I have no home or car to deal with anymore....what does it matter. I will miss my Pheebs though. Thank goodness she will be in good hands while I am away.

I have learned through all of this that I need to accept and appreciate what is given to me, whether I like it or not. I am not happy about going to that class, I don't belong there...or living in someone else's house, I like being alone...or using a food card, how humiliating...or being without a car, how will I get to the mountains for therapy...but it is one of my life's challenges I guess...that boulder in my trail.

I think I am getting all of this in my life at this moment to prepare me for the trip. The hike will not be easy all the time and I will face many challenges. Some that will make me want to give up. In order to finish the hike, I will need to accept them and find a way around or over those huge boulders. I can't and I won't give up. I will hold my head high, no matter how bad my feet hurt or how tired I am...and keep walking...'til I'm there...'til I'm at the end.

Happy New Year!!!!

Hopefully this year will be a good one. My resolution is to complete the PCT, lol.

I started my new year this morning, at 6:30 AM, by hiking with some trail maintenance friends to Mt. Echo in Pasadena. It was a fabulous hike! We had a potluck breakfast at the top, veggie and cheese omlet burritos, coffee and pastries...mmmm and then watched the fly by of the Stealths!

This place is fabulous! A hotel built in the early 1890's used to be there and a railway for the guests. All that remains are some steps that lead to the railway, foundation of the hotel, a love seat, and some pieces from the railway....but some serious history is there. It was a great morning, an awesome workout and fun times with friends.


The hike is only 2.7 miles, but 1300' elevation gain. I went as fast as I could go for the first two miles and checked the clock...45 minutes. I wasn't happy with my speed, but my hip didn't start hurting til right before the two mile mark...woohoo! Of course now I am feeling the pain more, but it was worth it! My legs are getting stronger and I am definitely getting faster on the uphill!