more dilemmas....

Once again I am in a state of what to do. Although, for the past five months, I have sent out resumes all over the western side of the country, and other states as well, I am still looking for work. My unemployment payments have dropped to a whopping 56 bucks a week to boot. I was told that they could not accept my employment in WA as payment for this quarter to make it higher. And WA said I couldn't collect there because I didn't have enough hours worked there...ugh!

I did get offered a position in Flagstaff, but with very low pay. It seems like an awesome opportunity, but I won't have the funds to move there AND pay for a new place, with all the deposits, etc.

The only way I can see myself living of that little bit of money is to hike again. But then there is the dilemma of what to do with Pheebs and Kharma without having to spend money. I want them both to have the best of care of course though. Ugh again!

All of these if's in my mind are scattered and moving around rampantly. My brain is on fire and spinning all at once! As is my heart rate. I was at the doctor the other day and my blood pressure was so high, I am surprised that I haven't passed out yet. Although I sleep like a rock, when I finally fall asleep, my eyes look as though I haven't slept in weeks.

I know that all things happen for a reason and all things work themselves out. But when the road looks this long and steep, it's hard to stay focused and relaxed. I have been meditating and painting more in the past few months, it is definitely helping. if I could just get rid of that control part of me that still clings for existence, I will be whole again...if I could only hike my life away...